In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth but I can't even figure out my own feelings

I have realized that I am not God. Around 6:40 on Monday morning I sat on the bus needing to do my homework, but alas, the sun was not yet up. In a moment of divine inspiration, I declared "Let there be light!" Left with my hands outstretched towards the sky, I waited a few minutes for a lag on the lighting. And this was when it became clear that Genesis is not my forte. It would probably be best if I brought a flashlight next time instead of trying to invoke the Almighty.

And that was how my week began. It didn't get any less interesting either because a lack of sleep, a lot of stress, and a whole lot of excitement all mixed together just leads to specialness. Maybe I just have a high opinion of myself, but I think I'm the second most amusing person I know.

So big news for this week: I'M GOING TO NEW YORK TOMORROW! It's very exciting. I'm going with a group of other yearbook staffers to go to a conference, but we have a ton of free time. I've never been to New York City or any other big city like it. I've been to Atlanta, but that's different. And the great thing is, my mom is totally chill with everything. In every other aspect of my life she's crazy protective, but I get to go to New York without her and with very little hassling. I just have to make sure I don't end up the victim on CSI. Should be pretty easy, I think. So that's how I'm spending my four day weekend. It's pretty awesome.

I promised to talk about something last weekend, but I ended up having so much homework I didn't get to it. I will attempt to explain myself clearly now. This is more just thoughts I've had than anything else, so hopefully I'll make sense. Sometimes a connection between two people can be so strong that a bit of one of them stays with the other, even if those people were only together for a very short period of time. You can prolly guess that this happened to me. It did a few weeks ago. I spent at max an hour with someone and for a week straight I could smell him at random times. The weird thing is that he's one of my friends to begin with and this one time I hung out with him wasn't special at all. I have no idea what the reasoning behind my whole smelling him thing is. This same thing happens sometimes with my brother. I can smell the oxygen he was on when he was in ICU at the most random times. There's a legitimate reason for that though, so I can't figure out this new one. Quite perplexing. It's been bothering me because I'm wondering if there's some sort of subconscious thing. I'd expect that to manifest in my dreams though if it is since it appears to have made a big impact on me, but it hasn't. I'm gonna try not to think about it too much cuz all it does is confuse me.

Speaking on confusing, I've gotta say (real quick, cuz it's 11 pm and I haven't packed for NYC yet) that something else is confusing me like no other and this one actually is important to me. I forget if I've mentioned it before. You know I've got a major crush on someone. For a while things looked promising, but he's got a tendency to sometimes make me feel like he's only putting up with me just cuz. It's happened for a long time (I wrote a whole post on it at one point), but it matters more now that he's shown a slight interest in me. I'm really prone to emotional changes and just not knowing how he really feels magnifies any little slight I think happened into something that hurts my feelings. When I'm with him, I feel amazingly happy for the most part, but I'd seriously like to know if the chemistry I feel is real or imagined - I mean, I do have a stupendous imagination, I won't lie. I guess if it is my imagination, I can funnel all that feeling into a story and get over it. I'd just prefer that it'd be a happy real-life story instead of one that my fingers tap out.

Ok, my problems are done with. I like writing them here, even if nobody cares cuz it feels like I'm actually talking to a real person. In a very one-sided conversation. :-) Time to go pack. Cept I'm not going to because a movie is on TV I wanted to see. James Marsden is the main actor so I can't pass this up.

♥ j.j.

Oh, btw: I'm eating M&Ms for the first time in over a year. Halloween is AWESOME! I'm not supporting Mars Inc. because someone else bought the candy and my sister went trick or treating for it. I just took the bag from her.