Dyin' to cry my heart out...

This morning at about 1 I found myself in my bathroom dancing and mouthing the words to "I Won't Say (I'm in Love)" from Disney's Hercules movie (I would have sang if there weren't sleeping people). I love that song so much I've listened to it more than 750 times since 2pm yesterday. Meg sings with a lot of feeling, so much so that I feel like falling in love and being in denial about it just so I can sing the song the right way. Right now I'm too happily accepting of my feelings. I guess that's not so bad, but how many good songs are there that are about being fine with having a crush that's never going to develop into something more? I can't think of any at the moment. Good music needs powerful feelings of some sort and contentedness just isn't that powerful of a feeling. Most of my favorite songs are able to make me feel the way the singer feels and the very best (like Prelude from Bach's Cello Suite no. 1, especially played by Yo Yo Ma) make it hard to breathe. Does being perfectly sans souci (French - without worry) make it hard to breathe? I didn't think so. Soo. If I want to be able to find an anthem fitting to how I feel, I gotta write my own or change my feelings. Considering that all the songs I've ever written have sucked like crazy, I'm going for the latter. Now to outline my amazing progression of emotion filled theme songs:

1. Have a fall-out with my father and cry in a corner for a bit while considering the merits of cutting (Simple Plan "Perfect") then just decide that he's not worth my time. (3Against1 "My Life")
   
2. Fall for a dude who is oblivious to my very existence, preferably one that is too good for me and has an amazingly hott, jealous girlfriend. Admire from afar and lament that I'm invisible to his amazing eyes. Powerful feelings of despondency can be fitted to many emo songs. Whole albums even.
   
3. Get over dude number one (his beautiful eyes were color contacts) and go along merrily with my life until dude number two flounces in all macho and arrogant, making me hate him, but still something in the way he wears those skinny jeans gets me all full of butterflies. Great time to bring in the singing muses and deny my feelings outside in the middle of the night.
   
4. Numero 2 falls for me too, gets off the testosterone pills, and gets up the courage to kiss me right after saving my skin from some sort of peril, maybe Voldemort, maybe a scientist-turned-octopus, maybe a rabid squirrel. Swelling instrumentals round out the happy scene.
5. A few months later, Mr. Amazing decides he needs space and leaves on a midnight train to Georgia without me. (dang it. I wanted boiled peanuts) I feel depressed, I can't hardly eat, I can't hardly sleep. Cue the heart-jerking country ballad. (Try Rascal Flatts, "What Hurts The Most")
6. A couple hours into the train ride he realized that he couldn't possibly live without me, jumped out the window and ran all the way back. When he gets there, he apologises by climbing up to my balcony, calling my cell phone, and telling me to look outside where he is singing a boy band love song (Backstreet Boys, "Inconsolable", "Crawling Back To You", "Incomplete", "Climbing the Walls"...) or a rock hit. ("Bell Bottom Blues" Clapton)
7. So after we make up and everything is all peachy for a while and accompanied by some beautiful cello solos, it can go one of two ways: One- He decides to cheat and gets caught. Bring on the screamo (a ton of Bullet For My Valentine songs), the angry pop divas (Rihanna, Jojo, Jeannie Ortega...), and My Chemical Romance ("I'm Not Okay (I Promise)"). Or Two he goes out drinking, drives, crashes, and dies and I'm left wondering why he was so stupid. ("Invincible" Jesse McCartney, "10 Years Today" Bullet For My Valentine)
8. After Number 2 goes away- because if he stays there'll be contentment and contentment just doesn't have music- I am free to go on a dangerous magical quest to save the universe with Avision Red or Ethereal Architect blaring from my headphones.

All of that seems a bit much just to get a theme song. I wouldn't mind the quest or a cute guy singing boy band hits to me, but the other emotional ups and downs don't seem all that great. Maybe I should just stick with my happiness. There are plenty of Wizard Rock songs that don't need an emotion, just a good wizard humor.

♥ j.j.